Excerpt from Adoption blog

I found this in another blog: Be sure to read the response at the end. It is so nice to hear the words of an adopted child that struggled and behaved badly, but who sounds like she is doing well now.

I am seeing a behavior pattern in one of my children lately that is really hard to figure out...

I'm sure when you have more than one child, that at least one of them will be an instigator. The child who pushes everyone's buttons just to see them yell. Everyone can be getting along well and when the instigator shows up the room is quickly full of yelling and complaining. This is one of my kids right now. Every room she walks into, every situation she is in, game she plays or chore she does ends with yelling or hitting or a fit. She is so touchy and sensitive to touch, pain, words and actions, yet she loves to hit others, yell at other, roll her eyes and have screaming fits when anyone else does remotely the same treatment to her. I'm having a hard time having compassion for her right now, as I'm exhausted from this day to day craziness.

When I step away from the situation I can see how hard she is trying. She tries to be helpful, but ends up being in someone else's way, or messing up something or doing the right thing at the wrong time.

The other night I was relaxing at my parent's house and just watched her play. She is so full of life and down right funny. Other parents and her teachers often go on and on about how great she is doing. I sometimes wonder if she works so hard to behave at school that when she is home she cannot handle anything more.


Comment:
I understand your plight. I am an adult adoptee. Sounds like me when i was younger. ... Thank you for adopting an older child. :-) It takes a world of patience... I know it was not easy for my MOM now that i am older and a parent myself.

One day at a time. Possitive encouragement.

Miracle LeagueAgain

It is that time of year. This year we asked Alex if he wanted to play. (He would be lost on a regular baseball team with kids his age... so, it made sense that he should play miracle league. They were happy to have him.)

They are both all smiles in the photo. However, Alex didn't want to play in the field. He just wanted to bat. So we are negotiating. You play in the field if you want to bat, and you don't get a snack if you don't play... Hmm... The choice is not so easy. He chose to sit out the last game, but was pretty unhappy that he didn't get a snack with the team. Ah. Decisions. They don't get any easier, Alex, when you get older.

Feeling better

I worked outside today after all my papers were graded. It felt good to be in the sunshine and working outdoors.

I have many plans for the yard.

Boys are fine. Dave is recovering.

Wow, a month gone

I'm amazed--simply amazed at how fast time can fly.

Since the last post about being incredibly tired from lack of iron, I've been sick for 2.5 weeks. Fever for 5 days, sore throat for two weeks, and an abscess behind my tonsil. Three visits to the Dr., three scripts, and I'm feeling better. Another follow up visit to Dr. to discuss if I need to have my tonsils out... Hmmm... I read that impaired immunity is part of iron deficiency. Guess I'll keep taking those Iron supplements and cooking in my iron skillet. Even though I was the sickest, 3 of the 4 of us have had fevers in the past three weeks. Joseph is the only one that has escaped with just a cold... And I'm the only one that had two separate episodes of fever. Through it all I only missed two teaching days. I thought that was pretty good. I still feel way behind in both my classes.

I have pictures to upload of cute boys, but it will have to be later.

My friend with cancer is doing okay. Keep her in your prayers. 2 chemo treatments done. 10 to go. She has been pretty sick and they are adjusting the amount of drug they give her each time. She sounds strong over the phone, and her friends have all rallied. She is, however, single. I think this is the first time in her life that she has really been through something that would just be easier if there was someone else there each and every day that could take care of some of the details. Like I said, she has many, many good friends that have come from far and near to care for her. Really to return the favor of the great care she has given us over the years--but it is different. Actually, maybe in some ways it is better. There is no caregiver fatigue. We each take a turn and she has our full attention and devotion while we are there. I might be up a creek if I had to rely solely on Dave to get me through something like that.... and I've not nurtured friends like I could or should have over the past few years. (For all the many obvious reasons!!!!) So I guess, it is okay either way. It balances.

Fatigue

I'm experiencing a level of fatigue unlike anything I've ever known. It is related to perimenopause. I saw the Dr. yesterday, and I'll spare you the details, but he was reassuring. I don't feel as if I've been a very good parent of late, but I'm following the adage that "you need to put on your own oxygen mask first..." Dave is stepping into the void--as he always does. I'm encouraged by the thought that there is an end to this stage of life. Some stages of life have been difficult to leave. This one will not.

Speaking of life stages... I see subtle signs of approaching puberty in the boys. Whoa! Slow down there!!! They aren't there yet... They are still my little boys, but they just keep growing, and I know the season of change is just around the corner. I guess I'm ready for some changes and not for others. Too bad we don't get to pick and choose.

Oh, and speaking of changes: Between now and next October I expect to be a great auntie 5 times over. All on my side of the family. That brings the total of great nieces and nephews to 15--11 on my side, 4 on Dave's. Oh my! I will NOT be crocheting or knitting something for all of them, unless this fatigue leaves and I quit sleeping nine or more hours every night!!! I enjoy being a great aunt. I imagine it is almost as much fun as being a grandparent--or at least I pretend it is! I love babies--especially those for whom I am not responsible.

The Hideout

I was out of town for the weekend for a concert. I stayed with friends as usual. We went to their "second" farm for the afternoon on Friday. Pastor Jack has a cabin there he calls his "hideout." I kept expecting to see a bank robber come out of the door, but alas, no fugitives were there. Dave has a hideout, too. His is called the "office."

If anyone thinks Ohio isn't beautiful, you need to visit this hilltop on a chilly but sunny first day of spring.

The fisherman is Jack. He is a great guy, and it is fun to listen to his wife, Carol, tell stories of life with this rather unique individual. My favorite quote of his is that he never let his pastoral duties interfere with his farming or his drinking. Carol and Jack give me hope that a marriage between opposites can last. They also raised three adopted children and two biological children and lived to tell the tale. I appreciate hearing wisdom from parents that have dealt with the issues of adoption first hand. All of their stories do not have happy endings, but it is still a big help to share with them. Now they have two grandchildren with a diagnosis on the autism spectrum, so we have that in common, as well.

Random thoughts

Well, I'm tempted to go back over the list of my goals for February, now that we are a third of the way through March. I didn't get them all done, but I did some of them.

The boys are okay. Dave and I still struggle to stay up with everything we need to do to be decent parents. Somehow, I'm never quite sure we can keep up, and we both get pretty frustrated with them and with each other, but we know we have to paddle this boat together. As bad as it is on the worst days, we can't imagine trying to do it alone. If we are both in the boat and both trying to kindof go the same direction, we make progress. Or at least I think we do. Isn't that a rousing endorsement of marriage as we approach the end of our 16th year together?

A dear, dear friend has cancer. She is my age, almost exactly. We have been friends for 30 years. She has to have chemo. I've not heard any details about when or how much. It is hard to imagine. She is strong and prepared for anything that comes her way, but I'm not sure I can say the same about myself. I've taken two trips out of town in the past few weeks to visit her, once at home, once in the hospital after her surgery. That stresses Dave and the boys, but I need to do it for me

The daffodils in the yard are about 4 inches tall. I must say, I'm more anxious for spring and green in the woods this year than usual.

I actually cooked this evening. First time in a week. We have eaten a lot of frozen meals. Lucky for us, Kroger had good sales on meals the boys will eat.