Skull Session

We went to the "Skull Session" at OSU last Saturday. This is where the marching band plays through all the music for the game--pregame, halftime, and postgame--while sitting in chairs in the old basketball arena. It is free and starts two hours before the game. It is a way to get the boys to campus on game day, hear the band, experience some of the excitement, but not actually go to the game. We have a dear friend who is training to be the Drum Major. She had to try out this fall for the chance to do everything with the band this year, and the chance to try out for the Drum Major position next spring. Here are the photos. We had a great time!

Pumpkins!!

A trip to the pumpkin patch with Joseph--

Nothing is ever as you plan.

Yesterday was beautiful. Clear, cool, perfect autumn day. So, after school Joseph, Alex, and I headed to the pumpkin patch. It was a beautiful, short drive. I took the back roads to enjoy the day.

We, well I, decided we should walk out to the field to choose our pumpkins rather than buy the ones already harvested. Alex pushed the wheelbarrow. Joseph stalled. He didn't want to walk. He wanted to climb on the tractor, climb on the wagon, turn around and go back to the barn, but he eventually followed.

We made it the 1/8th mile or so to the field. Alex and I started looking at all the different choices, trying to decide how big we wanted. I took out the phone to get some photos. Well... about that time Alex notices that Joseph has grabbed the wheelbarrow and was heading back to the barn. Whoops. I grabbed the biggest pumpkin I could carry, and told Alex to run and catch Joseph so I could use the wheelbarrow for at least part of the trip back.

Thus ended our visit to the pumpkin patch. We had a great time. And I didn't have a chance to get annoyed that it was taking Alex too long to decide which pumpkin he wanted!

My only photo is out of focus and doesn't show Alex's face.

Hanging on--

I'm having a blue period. Some of it is brought on by a medication that I took for three weeks, and don't have to take any longer. A big relief. That medication caused a real spike in my depression. For those of you who don't know, I have fought depression all my life. I now take medication for it, and I'm much, much, much happier. Life is just easier with an antidepressant in my system. I'm not "fighting" depression. I'm just being content, or being sad, or being happy. I'm not fighting to get through the day.

Taking that medication for three weeks reminded me of how I used to be. Not all of the time, but way too much of the time. I spent the last three weeks struggling to get through the day. Struggling to keep a smile on my face, not yell at my kids, not snipe at Dave. I don't have the patience for it any more. I now know that I don't have to live like that, so when I sink into it--even when I know that I'm sinking only because of a medication--I don't have the grit to fight it. I kind of let myself wallow in it. And I'm letting it be an excuse. Ah--there is a word that needs to be analyzed. Is depression an excuse or is it a reason?

Is depression a reason to set more modest goals for myself? Do I need to accept myself, as I am, and not expect myself to achieve, produce, etc. as a non-depressed person with the same skill-set could or would? Should I be proud of what I do accomplish in a day, despite my frame of mind? After all, I got out of bed... Some days that is a big deal for me.

And on top of my depression, I wonder how much having "special-needs kids" is an excuse or a reason to have blue days, difficult days, grumpy days, lousy days? Do I use my kids as an excuse? Or are my kids a reason for me to have a tough time?

I'm not looking for sympathy or answers. I'm just articulating a struggle going on with myself.

I'd be interested in thoughts of readers that have similar struggles--for similar or completely different reasons.

And I'm interested in the thoughts of those of you who don't struggle with this kind of thing. Until I married Dave I didn't realize people existed that didn't have these kinds of struggles. Just as he didn't understand that depression was real until he married me. He thought all those depressed people were whiners that needed to "buck up!"

Thrifty or Cheap

I get such charge out of saving a few dollars... I think I'm thrifty, but maybe I'm just plain cheap.

Macy's has their coupon sale today and tomorrow. 10 off 25. You are only supposed to use one coupon per person, but I used seven today. Yep, I spent about 120 at Macy's today, but I saved 70!!! I never tried to use more than two coupons at one time, and the clerks were all happy to split my purchases into two transactions.

I bought stuff I wanted, and a few things I needed. Everything I bought was already on sale, some was already on clearance. It was all at least 30% off, and then my coupons took almost 40% off that.

My best deal? Some fiesta plates, retail 17, clearance price 11, final price 4.59 after 40% off clearance and my coupon.

I was happy to see someone else in line ahead of me buy a big item, that didn't quite add up to the 25 needed to use the coupon but she was also buying a single washcloth. a useful item, but obviously purchased only to make the order total over 25 so she could use the coupon. A woman that thinks like I do.

Thoughts on Alex and adoption

Adopting a child and adopting a dog should not use the same verb.

Since we brought Beebe into our home, I have tried to avoid the word "adopt" when referring to Beebe. But the shelter sent us home with a pamphlet and a DVD about bringing an "Adopted puppy" into the house. Alex can't avoid seeing the phrase.

So, how does it affect him? It seems it has brought some negative feelings to the fore, and allowed him to articulate some things he needed to articulate.

While driving in the car last week, he asked me, out of the blue, "Why did my other family give me away?" Okay. Let's talk. First of all nobody EVER gave you away. Your other family was supposed to take care of you just until we came along, until a family that was going to keep you forever could take care of you. Next he asks... "But what about the mom who had me in her tummy..." No, Alex, she didn't give you away. The grownups had to put you with a different family because she was too young to take care of you properly.

I think that is what I said. That is what I've practiced and thought about saying ever since we took adoption classes nine or ten years ago. One thing the classes talked about was having a way to explain the adoption that doesn't make it sound like it was in any way shape or form the "fault" of the child. I don't want to tell Alex that his medical condition was a factor, because that makes it sound like it was something about him... It is all these nameless, faceless, "grownups" that made huge decisions about your life over which you have never had any say...

Bless him. I hope this is all part of him learning to be more open with his feelings. I hope it is the beginning of the conversation, not the end. I pray for the right words each time I have the chance to talk with him about his past. I don't like to belabor the issue. I try to let him bring up his concerns naturally. I may have to look for more openings to say little things that reassure him, and give him the opportunity to ask questions more often.

Reading with Grandma is the best

And she thinks she isn't doing enough around the house to help out!
(Grandma is 92. Alex is 11)

Summer Bounty

I tried an unusual yellow/red striped variety this year. They are good.