Raising Special Kids--or IEP Week is Hell

One of the most stressful weeks I have as a parent has arrived. IEP week. That stands for Individualized Educational Plan. It is supposed to be the contract between parent and school for a special needs child. In an ideal world, every child would have one. Ours isn't an ideal world, but both my boys qualify for an IEP. We had Alex's first IEP meeting of the year yesterday. We have Joseph's on Thurs. Tentatively, Alex's second meeting is scheduled for Friday. We have big decisions as parents ahead.

Alex is severely ADHD and LD. He struggles with writing and math and is a little behind in reading. He is in second grade. For the past two years he has been mainstreamed into a regular ed class and has worked with a tutor one hour each day, with an OT once a week at school and twice a week privately. He has also worked with the optometry clinic at OSU to address eye-tracking problems, which may be at the root of some of the LD issues he faces.

The tutor, as a representative for the school, suggests we move Alex to a "resource room." A classroom with 16 children and one teacher. The children vary in age, and are all LD. The school is worried that Alex is falling further and further behind. In actual fact, Alex would spend about half the day in the resource room and half the day in reading and gym, art, music, etc. with his peers. The reading classes are all tracked to ability, and he is reading at a “mid–to-late-first-grade level” so I think he is right with a lot of other beginning second graders at his school…

We suggest that whatever happens Alex begin counseling with the school counselor to deal with anger issues and self-esteem issues. (I’m starting to sound like I know what I’m talking about, but I don’t…)

The biggest drawback to the resource room, in my view, is it will be at a different school. Alex was adopted when he was three years old. He is still very insecure, he has always just gone along with what ever happened to him, but we see flashes of anger—mostly directed at him self. He has been happy, for the most part, at his current school. He walks to school with his friends. He walks home with his friends and goes to latchkey with a neighbor boy. There is a resource room at his school, but for third to fifth grades. My current thought is that we should keep him in his regular ed room for now, with the plan that we will move him to the 3-5 resource room next year. I’m thinking that self-esteem and mental health are much more valuable right now than being able to write a grade level story. I worry that he will lose self-esteem if he is faced with too much work that is too hard, but I also worry that he will lose a sense of community if he has to watch all the other neighborhood children walk one direction while he walks or drives the other way to school…

I’m anxious for your input, any ideas out there??? One friend has already told me she will yell at me if I move him…and I can’t imagine telling him that he has to go to a different school without his friends, but I’m willing to listen if anyone thinks I’m wrong.